If you look it up in your Funk and Wagnalls the word “engineer” has many meanings. One meaning that is only common to Star Trek fans is “someone who is always changing things”. This famous line comes from Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy in the first Star Trek movie which is definitely NOT one of my favorites.

(I guess I should explain… V-Ger is nothing more than a rehashing of the old “Changeling” episode from the 60s. Gene Roddenberry was not an engineer. Didn’t change things, rest his soul.)

I noticed today that our garbage bins did not have any plastic liners in them. I thought that perhaps our housekeeper was getting a bit lazy but I learned later that she couldn’t find the liners. Turned out my wife Lauri had moved them from under the kitchen sink into the drawer where we keep our coffee filters and oven mitts. The sad thing here is that when I called our housekeeper she thought that maybe we were in financial straits and couldn’t afford to buy liners. This of course causes undue concern with our housekeeper. If the liners are first to go will she be the next to go? Nope. Things just change when you’re married so its a perfectly engineered situation.

Ford and many other carmakers do the same thing every year. I recall when the first “depress brake pedal in order to leave Park” units were first made. It took me a good 10 minutes to figure that one out even though there was a tiny label on the dashboard which stated the obvious. I would have felt more comfortable if the label had read “Familiarize yourself with this vehicle’s owner’s manual. Engineers have been at work.” No wonder I enjoy those lazy Sundays when I can zoom along country farm roads in my 1977 Lancia Montecarlo Scorpion. No engineering in that car. Everything is as normal as normal can get.

B&O is no exception. Service manuals regularly have their quirks but B&O is one of the best companies to let technicians know about changes in circuitry. One of our clients, Roger Kaufman, sent in a Beomaster 5000 for refurbishment which had an unusual circuit which I couldn’t find in the manual or any of the attached bulletins. Dave Kmiec at B&O answered the question after a little research into his files. A small change had been made to the 5 volt regulator circuit in order to correct problems associated with bad service from power companies. Wow. What a great group of engineers B&O has! Making corrections to correct a problem which is completely out of their control! Engineering to the max, here. My wife would be proud to have engineers over for dinner to discuss the benefits of moving ice cream dippers into the cabinet which houses salt, pepper, sugar, coffee, Ovaltine, canned cat food, etc. The idea here is that the ice cream is in the refrigerator and the cabinet is closest to the refrigerator. Can’t argue with that one. I should mention that Lauri has moved two bowls into this cabinet. At least she’s thinking of her husband. If she only moved one bowl I would feel that I was not invited to have ice cream.

Keep your wife out of your toolbox, particularly the tools which are used for business use. Buy her a toolbox of her own and make sure she doesn’t have access to tools which are the bread and ice cream of your business! And never, never, never borrow her nail polish remover as an emergency solvent for Loctite. You will NEVER hear the end of it.

(My wife’s toolbox has a butter knife in it. Would someone PLEASE explain that one to me. I am afraid to ask.)

© Copyright Anthony Garza, used with permission.